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多年以后，我躺在坟墓里，准会想起写这篇文章的那个遥远的下午。
为什么会有如此令人毛骨悚然的吊诡开场白？
因为这篇文章谈的就是文章的开场白。
如何给一篇文章一个好的开场白？
我们可以从经典找到一些启示：
1.“多年以后，奥雷连诺上校站在行刑队面前，准会想起父亲带他去参观冰块的那个遥远的下午。” 《百年孤独》（1967）
这样的开场白，把时间和空间像两个水晶球一样在手上任意把玩，为叙事铺设了一条康庄大道。
2.“毫无疑问，单身钻石王老五都渴望有娇妻相伴。”《傲慢与偏见》（1813）
3.“幸福的家庭都是相似的，不幸的家庭各有各的不幸。”《安娜卡列丽娜》（1876）
主题先行，吊起读者的胃口。后面的故事，全都是为了证明这个主题。
4，“那是最美好的时代，那是最糟糕的时代；那是智慧的年头，那是愚昧的年头；那是信仰的时期，那是怀疑的时期；那是光明的季节，那是黑暗的季节；那是希望的春天，那是失望的冬天。” 《双城记》（1859）
自相矛盾的对仗排比句，有一种诗歌般的音韵美和文字上的结构美。
5. It is time, at last, to speak the truth about Thanksgiving, and the truth is this. Thanksgiving is really not such a terrific holiday. . . .
(Michael J. Arlen, "Ode to Thanksgiving." The Camera Age: Essays on Television. Penguin, 1982)
6. I've finally figured out the difference between neat people and sloppy people. The distinction is, as always, moral. Neat people are lazier and meaner than sloppy people.
(Suzanne Britt Jordan, "Neat People vs. Sloppy People." Show and Tell. Morning Owl Press, 1983)
上述两个开场白则是布下疑阵，有意误导读者，最后的结论出人意料，读者的智商受到莫大挑战。他们欲罢不能，非把文章读到底弄个水落石出才善罢甘休。
7. It was in Burma, a sodden morning of the rains. A sickly light, like yellow tinfoil, was slanting over the high walls into the jail yard. We were waiting outside the condemned cells, a row of sheds fronted with double bars, like small animal cages. Each cell measured about ten feet by ten and was quite bare within except for a plank bed and a pot of drinking water. In some of them brown silent men were squatting at the inner bars, with their blankets draped round them. These were the condemned men, due to be hanged within the next week or two.
(George Orwell, "A Hanging," 1931)
8. One October afternoon three years ago while I was visiting my parents, my mother made a request I dreaded and longed to fulfill. She had just poured me a cup of Earl Grey from her Japanese iron teapot, shaped like a little pumpkin; outside, two cardinals splashed in the birdbath in the weak Connecticut sunlight. Her white hair was gathered at the nape of her neck, and her voice was low. “Please help me get Jeff’s pacemaker turned off,” she said, using my father’s first name. I nodded, and my heart knocked.
(Katy Butler, "What Broke My Father's Heart." The New York Times Magazine, June 18, 2010)
9. I like to take my time when I pronounce someone dead. The bare-minimum requirement is one minute with a stethoscope pressed to someone’s chest, listening for a sound that is not there; with my fingers bearing down on the side of someone’s neck, feeling for an absent pulse; with a flashlight beamed into someone’s fixed and dilated pupils, waiting for the constriction that will not come. If I’m in a hurry, I can do all of these in sixty seconds, but when I have the time, I like to take a minute with each task.
(Jane Churchon, "The Dead Book." The Sun, February 2009)
文章一开始也可以营造一种吊诡惊悚的恐怖片气氛。上面三段开场白都与死亡有关。第一个描述关在死囚牢里等待死亡的囚徒；第二个描述母女俩密谋害死父亲；第三个是验尸官用冷峻的语气描述他验尸的过程。
《红灯记》里李玉和说，“妈，有你这碗酒垫底，什么酒都能对付过去。”
学生对我说，“老师，有你这些经典开场白垫底，什么文章都能对付过去。”
我回答说，“糟糕的文章都是相似的。优秀的文章各有各的优秀。”