汉语拼音基础

- I got in a fight one time with a really big guy,

and he said, "I'm going to mop the floor with your face."

I said, "You'll be sorry."

He said, "Oh, yeah? Why?"

I said, "Well, you won't be able to get into the corners very well." 

- We have enough gun control. What we need is idiot control.

- Jesus loves you, but everyone else thinks you're an asshole. 

- If you keep your feet firmly on the ground, you'll have trouble putting on your pants. 

- Going to church doesn't make you a Christian any more than standing in a garage makes you a car. 

- Whoever coined the phrase "Quiet as a mouse" has never stepped on one. 

- You do not need a parachute to skydive. You only need a parachute to skydive twice. 

- The difference between an oral thermometer and a rectal thermometer is in the taste. 

- When tempted to fight fire with fire, remember that the Fire Department usually uses water. 

- Remember, if you smoke after sex you're doing it too fast.

- I want to die peacefully in my sleep, like my grandfather.. Not screaming and yelling like the passengers in his car. 

- If sex is a pain in the ass, then you're doing it wrong... 

- I didn't fight my way to the top of the food chain to be a vegetarian 

- I saw a woman wearing a sweat shirt with "Guess" on it...so I said "Implants?" 

- My psychiatrist told me I was crazy and I said I want a second opinion. He said okay, you're ugly too. 

- Do not argue with an idiot. He will drag you down to his level and beat you with experience.

- The last thing I want to do is hurt you. But it's still on the list.