Apologize2.23.2011

I wonder how much courage we need to accumulate to go to someone and say: “ I am sorry for what I have done to you”.

I was reading books in library today. A woman came to me said, “I just want to say I am sorry for…”. She paused, then added, “ for everything at those years, I am so sorry!” I was surprised and hugged her replied, “No, no, don’t be sorry, we are learning from each other..” I felt that I should say something more to make her felt better but I had never had this experience of receiving apologizes directly from someone else….

She was my brother’s Spanish tenant who had a big family with five kids lived at the third floor while we were living at second floor. They had lived there years longer than us before we purchased the house. From the day one, I learned that she was an angry woman with hot temper. Their family had never been quiet, always arguing with loud voices. Baby girl cried and things were thrown to the floor that made us jumped from the dinner table. The boys played basket ball and ran on treadmill early on the Saturday mornings. The husband’s car always blocked drive way and they also complained for many little things by threatening taking us to the housing court.  They always mixed up garbage. In the summer time, I was the one who had to bear the bad smell and running worms from the broken garbage bags to separate regular garbage and recycle items. Their kids were laughing from balcony when they saw and heard I was screaming by the worms . Later, they demanded us to replace their carpet which they had never cleared for years. They stated that old carpet was the source of germs to make her baby girl sick and they would sue us if we didn’t fix it. We denied but then they made us renovated the house over again. My brother ran upstairs to argue with them and I had to try my best to help my brother to communicate. If you asked me did I like them, I was sure no and never, but I thought that being understandable and respectful would help thing work out smoothly. Eventually, they agreed to move out without going to housing court.

After they moved out, I did saw her once a while in the same bus or in PTA this year because her baby girl was old enough to go to school, We had never engaged any conversation before today.

I am not sure what make her to come to me today. However, she does make me wonder how much courage she has taken to come to me and why she needs to do so. People may think she just wants to move on her own life by apologizing to me. I appreciate the apologizes from someone I didn’t expect to have. In our culture, we haven’t been taught to say sorry if we have done something wrong to a person. Maybe we know how to say sorry when we are kids but we will feel uncomfortable after we grow up. That is a great lesson I learn today because I believe we hurt others unconsciously sometimes. We are lack of courage to admit it. We used to remember who have hurt us but in fact the hurt is even greater because we have to carry the bad memories for the rest of our life.