与在美一方唠嗑，胡扯，周末快乐

前言：发现这个也能骗分，Me2 一下：在拙文《中国贵族和美国奴才》后面与在美一方网友有如下又臭又长的对话，贴在这里，作为周末笑料 。

在美一方：

关于终身教授那段着实可乐。full professor 是 associate professor的上司？编得够绝，别说full professor 不是 associate professor 的上司，他连assistant professor的上司都不要想当，除非他恰恰是系主任+。美国学校里，各级别的professor之间没有领导被领导的关系。而且，并非是中国人奇怪 地称副教授是终身教授，美国人才是始作俑者，中国人不过跟着美国人罢了。美国实行tenure制度的大学里面，tenured的professor一般都 在associate professor的级别上拿到tenure。搞搞清楚再说比较好。

乐子答：

Have you ever been in a position of an assistant or an associate Professor in an American college or university ？If you do, how could you possibly forget that tenured professors (who are tenured associate and full professors--by the way, not all associate and full professors are necessarily tenured) in your department voted on your tenure and promotion applications? The department chair’s vote carries more weight, of course, but all tenured professors who would vote were your boss in that sense. If they were not happy with you, you would be doomed. 说正教授是副教授的“上司”，其实也是调侃之意--源于英文词“associate" 的本意。此外，美国教授不管是在正式场合或非正式场合，从来不自称“终身教授”（tenured professor)--您可能是个例外，如果您也是一位教授的话。“终身教授”从来不是，也不应该成为一个正式的Title。你说“美国人才是（这样称呼 的）始作俑者”，this accusation is utterly nonsense and baseless. 你见过哪个美国教授的名片上印”tenured professor?" 可能因为中文的“副教授”不如“终身教授”来得好听吧,　许多无知或故意想蒙人的中国人及媒体，喜欢用“终身教授”来代称一个tenured associated professor （通常是中国人）。又一个中国特色！

请问这位网友，现在清楚了没有？

在美一方：

很抱歉，也许您的学校是由tenured professor们集体投票决定某个tenure eligible的assistant professor是否获得tenure的命运的。我无知，至少我们学校不是由department来决定这位候选tenured prof的命运的，甚至连department 都无权create这个tenure eligible position, 这个position要由school来create，所以不是所有tenured prof都有权决定候任tenure的命运的，所以，不是所有tenured prof都是tenure track的上司。在research oriented的学校，每个PI是每个PI自己的boss，除了向immediate supervisor也就是系主任负责以外。美国的prof with tenure确实不在title上带这个终身教授的称呼，是因为几乎是约定俗成都知道只要没有associate prof前面有附加说明的比如clinical professor, research professor等等的，在associate prof以上的基本上都有tenure。而中国没有tenure制度，为了表明associate prof的实质，中国人在称呼上加个终身，没有什么可以嘲笑的，至少这是在说实话，不是吹牛。

请问您自己明白没有？说出full prof是assist prof的上司这种话，估计是teaching university的吧？呵呵。

乐子答：

I am sorry, but I am afraid so--I mean you ARE ignorant. Go to your "research-oriented" school website and check "policies for tenure and promotion"--make sure you can read. Are you sure "tenure eligible position" is the right term in the official documents? Do me a favor, say these words to any of your American colleagues and see if anyone can understand you: "department 都无权create这个tenure eligible position, 这个position要由school来create，所以不是所有tenured prof都有权决定候任tenure的命运的.“

Hey, thanks to the term "PI" you mentioned, now I understand that you are working in a research function/unit in a university. Excuse me for being a little impolite here (not being disrespectful, though), research professors or research fellows in a college or university--more specifically, in a research unit of the school, where most Chinese work, are not considered primary faculty of the school. They are second-class citizens, so to speak, in a university. They play only very limited roles in most university-level functions. They usually do not teach, because, of many reasons, they can't--English is bad or something. They are working-class; they have to work 5 days a week, they have no regular winter and summer breaks, and most of them receive low pay. Regular professors in academic departments, on the other hand, do both research and teaching. In my article, I was referring to the latter; I was talking about tenure and promotion procedures for those “real” college professors. If you don't know much about these real masters in your school, you'd better do some homework quickly now to avoid further embarrassment, which, in my humble opinion, could potentially harm your career.        

Another joke: there are either "research universities" or "teaching universities"; there is no such thing called "research oriented的学校" (the word “oriented” is unnecessary), at least not here, in the U.S.

Your last comment: "说出full prof是assist prof的上司这种话，估计是teaching university的吧？" First, I did not say what you "quoted"; I was joking about associate professors being the “associates” of full professors--that was truly the original meaning of the word “associate.” Secondly, a university professor, self-claimed or whatever kind, made such a great (which sarcastically means “morally low level"--given that you failed to comprehend the humor in my article, I believe I need to give this explanation) "Chinese-style" comment in otherwise an intellectual exchange of information and opinions--I really have no comment. Well, actually, I have already satisfied your not-so-intellectual curiosity in my article. Your reading comprehension was indeed pretty bad--I would give you an F for that.

I am really sorry I can't help but make some fun of you. It's weekend, time for fun. Isn't it? Please don't take it personally.