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- 回国杂记(2) 偶尔相对饮几盅 [2019/12]
- 回国杂记(1) 归宿 [2019/12]
- 不要娶北京上海的女孩 [2016/03]
- 天上掉下的姻缘(春节回国纪实)(一) [2014/02]
- 审判薄熙来这出戏演的非常成功 [2013/08]
- 天上掉下的姻缘(春节回国纪实)(九) [2014/03]
- 天上掉下的姻缘(春节回国纪实)(二) [2014/02]
- 一杯碰倒的咖啡 [2013/12]
- 天上掉下的姻缘(春节回国纪实)(三) [2014/02]
- 天上掉下的姻缘(春节回国纪实)(四) [2014/03]
- 上海滩-冰火两重天 [2012/03]
- 雪花一样的女孩(小小说,纯属虚构) [2013/12]
- 刘晓波的骄傲,中国人的耻辱 [2010/10]
- 天上掉下的姻缘(春节回国纪实)(八) [2014/03]
- 农村计划生育中的一些问题 [2012/05]
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- 恨不相逢未嫁时 (小说,纯属虚构) [2011/09]
- 中国没有男人 [2011/02]
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- 贝壳儿女赞-宜修朗诵版 [2011/05]
- 古韵诗社第十轮:黄公望子久不至--诗话篇 [2011/07]
- 周末盛筵:烟花的菜,若水的歌,夜蓝宫的酒! [2011/09]
- 广而告之:《贝壳文学》今天上午正式付诸印刷!!! [2013/12]
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最近和周围朋友闲聊, 一个大家都很关注甚至头疼的问题, 就是和孩子的关系出现矛盾甚至激烈冲突。
这些孩子二十多岁, 有的正在上大学, 有的已经大学毕业, 思想已经成熟, 但与父母的沟通为什么会有这么大的障碍, 以我观察分析, 责任在父母, 不在孩子。
我一直相信孔夫子的这句话: 子不教, 父之过。子女好, 不一定是父母的功劳, 子女不好, 一定是父母的过错, 起码做父母的要负一定责任。子女成长过程中, 父母的价值观念对子女会产生极大影响。我的这些朋友多数和我一样, 在新中国毛泽东思想的浸泡中长大, 闲聊中发现许多朋友人在自由世界, 心却依旧留在专制思想里, 价值观和思维方式还是毛泽东思想和中国封建文化熏陶出的那一套: 革命式, 家长式, 奴才式, 典型表现是对毛泽东的怀念与崇拜。孩子在家里受这种价值观念和思维方式影响, 在学校在社区接受西方社会价值观念熏陶, 与父母出现沟通困难甚至激烈冲突也就难免了。
我们公司今年为员工子女设立一个奖学金, 所有员工正在上大学的子女都可以申请, 要求是写一篇文章, 阐明你的价值观和此价值观对你成长的影响, 并附上最新这个学期的学习成绩。儿子写了一篇发给我, 我递交给公司前读了一遍, 觉得儿子这篇文章写的相当具体深刻, 而且很有文采, 值得阅读参考, 征得儿子同意, 贴出来与大家分享。
Values --It’s Who We Are
There is much grey in this world, imparted as a heavy fog in the minds of all which blur the lines between right and wrong. I was raised in an immigrant household, newly arriving in Niagara Falls upon fleeing the communist regime in China in the early 1990’s. Torn between multiple cultural identities, I never felt right believing blindly in what others’ had expected of me. Nor did I once believe that there were inherently correct choices in many circumstances. Instead, people were guided by their values, a set of prevailing ideals that they developed over their lifetimes. To many, this is a light in the grey fog, helping one to choose their own path.
As a studious individual, my high school was the first place that I could display my virtues and talents, earning the trust and loyalty of my peers and mentors alike. In the summer of Grade 10, I volunteered at the Ten Thousand Buddha Sarira Stupa as a tour guide. There I discovered my own ability to influence my community for the better, not just by spreading awareness but also leading and teaching others. In the summers afterwards, I held a job as a cashier at the Table Rock Centre where I was instilled with the beliefs of providing remarkable service and the truly nuanced benefits of working as one team. I attended the french immersion program in high school. I learned a great deal over my four years, not just academically but also how to craft my dreams and desires into action upon graduating. Most importantly though, was the character that I exhibited to my peers and mentors as I had always treated them with the utmost respect. Many of my teachers regarded me as exemplary in both my studies and passion for learning, while my peers regularly approached me for guidance in their own studies and personal issues. Gaining their trust and loyalty was just a function of how I always acted, and the values I showcased at school. This culminated in receiving the Award for Student Excellence from the Scotiabank Convention Centre during my graduation ceremony.
My time as a tour guide at the Ten Thousand Buddha Sarira Stupa proved to be a great turning point. As I was inexperienced in the beginning, I fumbled through my first few tours. However there was a host of many great prior volunteers who helped build my skills and confidence as an orator. While I started very narrow minded and driven to do well myself, I found that the real value of my work was helping others, whether that was raising awareness about what buddhism had to offer, or eventually guiding my own younger peers to build their confidence. The instance I remember most clearly was coaching two grade school girls, who were very shy at the beginning, to being able to deliver a clear and enthusiastic 45 minute tour to a legion of guests by themselves. I was able to give back to my community in a small way, but I like to think that the experience will be carried with them from that time onwards.
The first job I ever held was as a cashier at the Table Rock Centre, located directly next to the Falls. Akin to my time volunteering, I quickly recognized that my success at Table Rock did not lie solely on how fast I could process our customers, or how accurate I was at the register, but instead in the collaboration with my coworkers in facilitating a complete experience for our guests. Providing remarkable service was a given in the job description but I was constantly learning how my role could perform the function better, from knowing more about our products to improving my conversational skills. I also had a hard time at first opening up to my new coworkers who came from different backgrounds than me. Still they were always friendly and collaborative by virtue of achieving the same goals on the job. In this manner, I was taught the benefits of working as a team and not as a strict hierarchy of command or control. Truthfully, there is little that separates us and much that brings us together. Everyone at my workplace shared the same motivations and the strength of acting as team was the essence to synergize through diversity. By amassing a group of individuals who wanted to work together, they could all bring their own expertise and skills. To lean on each other in times of hardship and to learn from each other in times of growth, the weaknesses that may have appeared alone were instead handled effectively as a team. I felt sad leaving Table Rock because it was my team, one where I had a role of importance and a place that I could grow in.
Niagara is truly my home, a place where I discovered, developed and tempered my values with experiences that will follow me from now on. Now that I have left, studying at University for a double degree program, I continually find the importance in staying true to one’s self. In times of doubt and confusion, again when the grey fog is thick and heavy, my values have always lead me correctly. I don’t pretend to know the truth, or what is really right or wrong, but I believe in my choices above all else. In the words of Aristotle “We are what we repeatedly do. Excellence, then, is not an act, but a habit.” The values that I hold true are not a mere act, but instead a definition of my person. Thus our values align not by chance, but because we are alike in many ways.