机舱内的英姿,眼神坚毅。
Lindbergh 说,人们憎恨改变,但 transformation 是生活的一部分。对于人们希望成为唯一被爱的那个,她认为 “it is all right to wish to be loved alone…it is when we desire continuity of being loved alone that we go wrong…There is no one-and-only, there are just one-and-only moments.” 这个说法似乎很容易成为游戏人间的理论依据,像那个有名的“不在乎天长地久,只在乎曾经拥有”的广告名言。不过作者接下来的解释,说明她认为爱情只是生活中的一部分,不能为了爱而忽视生活的其他方面:“The pure relationship is limited, in space and in time. In its essence it implies exclusion. It excludes the rest of life, other relationships, other sides of personality, other responsibilities, other possibilities in the future. It excludes growth.”关于这个鲁迅笔下的涓生也反省过,只是为了盲目的爱,而把人生的其他要义全盘疏忽,是不对的。人必须活着,爱才有所附丽——看,中外的道理都是一样的。
Lindbergh 认为,不能因为美好太短暂就把它称为幻影,“duration is not a test of true or false.”她引用Saint-Exupery的名言,Love does not consist in gazing at each other but in looking outward together in the same direction.
她把人际关系比喻为跳舞,认为好的关系有着和舞蹈相同的规律和规则:The partners do not need to hold on tightly, because they move confidently in the same pattern…To touch heavily would be to arrest the pattern and freeze the movement, to check the endlessly changing beauty of its unfolding…Because they know they are partners moving to the same rhythm, creating a pattern together, and being invisibly nourished by it…这讲的是收放自如的距离,以及志同才能道和。她从跳舞中还领悟到了“活在当下”的道理:One cannot dance well unless one is completely in time with the music, not leaning back to the last step or pressing forward to the next one, but poised directly on the present step as it comes.
Lindbergh关于爱情的看法和我正在看的Dr. Dobson 的书中看法高度一致:when you love someone you do not love them all the time, in exactly the same way, from moment to moment. It is an impossibility…One must accept them for what they are here and now, within their limits…One must accept the security of the winged life, of ebb and flow, of intermittency.
结尾处,Lindbergh总结她向大海学到的:Patience---Faith---Openness, is what the sea has to teach. Simplicity---Solitude---Intermittency. 总体感觉和东方哲学非常相近,容易接受。
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