清华投毒案——野三坡之绝笔回声

唯因不被承认

才格外勇敢真诚

即使像眼泪一样跌碎

敏感的大地

处处仍有

持久而悠远的回声

 ——舒婷《献给我的同代人》

1989年的一个早春，北大生物系二年级学生吴今去了野三坡就再没有回来。人们不知道在她离开同学短短的50小时里究竟发生了什么事情。但是她给这个世界留下了一篇文章，也是她的绝笔。

文章的题目是是英文课要求的：To be or Not to be。交作业的时间是英文课的上课时间4月3日星期一早晨8点。这是当时事情发生的时间轮廓。

 3月31日，周五，吴今回家前把这篇写好的文章交给同宿舍和她一个英语班的同学，告诉同学如果周一她没去上课，就替她交这份作业。

4月1日，周六，吴今从家里出发去车站，与同学们在车站汇合后一起去了野山坡。

4月2日，周日，早晨九点多，吴今与同学们挥手告别去赶另一队上午回学校的同学。

4月3日，周一，早晨上英语课，同学帮吴今交了这份作业。同学们询问起来发现吴今失踪，于是当天下午一些同学和吴今的父母一起赶往野山坡寻找吴今，但是当天没有找到。

4月4日，周二，中午发现吴今的遗体。

这篇吴今的绝笔作文，就其思想之独立，情感之饱满，逻辑之缜密，不是一个大二学生的应景之作。27年来虽然有不少人评论。或者赞叹文笔美丽，或者感慨下笔成谶，但是很大程度上当成了文学作品而忽视了文字之间遗留下的真实信息。现在就请各位读者和尼罗河一起沿着这篇绝笔展现的心路历程。去寻访吴今之死的真正原因。

文章一开始就从沙翁的原句To be or not to be, that's a question 进入主题，阐明了吴今自己的观点：生存还是死亡是人的自主抉择。

『To survive or to die, to fight or to surrender, to win or to lose. He must make the decision himself.』

接下来，文章用优美的笔调描写了她云淡风轻的花样年华。抒发对生命的赞美和对生活的热爱。并且把个体生命与自然宇宙相关联，表达对生命价值的崇敬。但是在第三段的结束句，我们听到了一个与天之骄子的生活完全不和谐的声音：

『I remember one day, when I felt so frustrated by those misfortunes in life, it seemed that I had done everything wrong and there was no remedy at all.』。

太阳是这篇文章的中心意象。太阳象征着生命、光明和美好；太阳赋予人以梦想，也赋予人忍受苦难战胜挫折的勇气。但是文章中最先出现的太阳意象是落日。太阳迅速落下，世界很快就被黑暗笼罩。

等待，是贯穿全文的中心词。在黑暗包围中等待新的阳光照亮肩头，生命的意义在于等待和希望，直到文章最后出现的『Do not cry, just wait and hope and fight.』。吴今在等待什么？等待明天的太阳为她驱散黑暗。或者她在等待一种重生，在新的太阳下开始新的生活。

这篇文章作为绝笔的意义首先在于吴今告诉人们她遭遇了很大的麻烦。一切是从确定的某一天开始的。那一天吴今陷入一种无可弥补的过错之中。从前后文可知正是因为这个这个过错，一个恋家的吴今却离开家一个人蹒跚街头，悲伤无助浸透泪水，被黑暗所包围而不知身在何处。

『I left home, wandering along the street, feeling sad and hopeless. It was then when I caught sight of the sunset. The sun was like a huge burning ball, flaring and shinning, it was so glorious and so brilliant. Soon the whole sky was flaming, the sun gathered its last energy burning thoroughly, like the solemn end of a tragedy. It sunk slowly under the horizon, soon darkness fell around me. I stood there unawaring of where I was. Tears ran down my face.』

第二层意义是传递了一个死亡临近的信息。死亡可能在她经历了光荣和邪恶之后到来，也可能不给她机会实现人生的梦想。为此她思考过死亡的意义。她相信个体生命在宇宙中不会随着死亡化为乌有。真正的存在是一种不朽的存在；一个人可以因为精神的高尚而不朽；因为知道自己将不朽而无所畏惧。

第三层意义是相信轮回的力量：

『 Life and death and the sunshine make the world. As they go round generation by generation, day by day, the world go round.』。

或许是明天，或许是来世。笼罩在她身上的黑暗终将过去。太阳一定会回来。

认真思考吴今这篇绝笔遗留的信息才能看清吴今之死的真相。吴今为什么要找同学代交作业，当时并不觉得特别奇怪。周一英语课早上8点，周末一般都要回家的吴今有时会翘周一早上的英语课。但是现在看起来似乎是她刻意的安排。当时吴今计划的是，周五回家，然后周六自己去火车站和同学一起上车出发。周日上午回学校，下午排练之后就不回家，星期一上午应该是不会翘课的。

特别之处就在这里。尽管计划中星期天晚上不回家，吴今还是把作文交给别人替她交。似乎她当时就有预感有可能回不来，为了保证这篇文章能保留下来。

关于吴今这篇绝笔作文的信息，可以找到新语丝上luolan的文章：“文章是吴今在大学二年级时作为英语课的写作作业交给老师的，我一字不改地抄在这儿，里面的任何语法或拼写错误都是原先存在的。另外，我保存的确实是吴今亲笔手稿的复印件，我也曾想直接扫描后贴上，但是十几年过去了，纸张已泛黄，我怕扫描后各位朋友看不清，故宁愿花点时间逐字输入。”。另外新浪雾海晨曦的博客也有文章介绍。当时吴今的英语老师把这篇英语作文翻译成中文，刊登在北大的校报上。英语老师是英语系的男博士研究生。

附件：吴今绝笔。拷贝自新语丝luolan

To be or Not to be

--------The meaning of life, the meaning of death

Every one who knows Shakespere must know his most well-known tragedy:

Hamlet and that famous line: To be or not to be, that's a question. As

for Hamlet, to be or not to be is quite a dilemma: he was doomed to be

a tragedy, whether to live or to die. Perhaps everyone will confront

the similar choice to Hamlet in his life sooner or later. To survive

or to die, to fight or to surrender, to win or to lose. He must make

the decision himself. Fortunately, I haven't come to that crucial

point yet. Up till now, my life is like a smooth sailing. Sometimes I

ask myself: do I find the real meaning of life and death? Though I am

going to be a biologist, I have no definite answer to that. But still

I believe that I did find something in life.

When I ramble along in the peaceful field, hearing the twittering of

birds, drifting in the fragrance of wild flowers, I will always praise

the beauty of life and feel really happy that I'm still alive. When I

learned the mysterious nature and the evolution of life, I was filled

with admiration by the greatness of nature. Life is a bestowing of

nature, we have no right to smother, it's a part of universe.

I remember one day, when I felt so frustrated by those misfortunes in

life, it seemed that I had done everything wrong and there was no

remedy at all. I left home, wandering along the street, feeling sad

and hopeless. It was then when I caught sight of the sunset. The sun

was like a huge burning ball, flaring and shinning, it was so glorious

and so brilliant. Soon the whole sky was flaming, the sun gathered its

last energy burning thoroughly, like the solemn end of a tragedy. It

sunk slowly under the horizon, soon darkness fell around me. I stood

there unawaring of where I was. Tears ran down my face. A voice cried

out in my heart: "I will wait, till the sun rises again, till the

first sunshine on my shoulder." Perhaps that's the meaning of life.

Everyone has his own sun and his own dream, and everyone has own

brilliant moment when his sun shines gloriously. We'll struggle and

suffer in order to reach that brilliant moment. Nothing can stop us,

no matter how hard, no matter how many times we fail. That dream,

deeply rooted in our heart, is worthy of devoting our whole life to.

All of us want to see the sun shines again and want to catch that

glorious moment to appreciate the real beauty of life.

Life is like a long river, it will end someday and somehow. No one can

escape from that eternal end, when that day comes, we'll say goodby to

this colored world. A man's life is a man's song. Whether it's sad or

happy, fierce or quiet, it's his own song. A song written in his own

way with his soul, with his life. A man lived, did what he should do,

found what he want, fulfilled his dream. He then died calmly. Because

he knew that there was nothing to regret. He had seen evil and good,

ugly and beautiful. Now it was all over, it was time for his play to

close and gave the stage to newcomer. His song was going to end, but

it would never diminish, it would become a tiny part of the chorus of

the universe, and that will sing forever. Another man lived, struggled,

but never reached his dream, for him, life was a perpetual nightmare,

then he saw the twilight, they glimmered far in the distance, though

he had no time and he would never got there, his heart was quiet, for

he knew he had tried his best. His song might only be a faint cry but

he knew it was just the prelude to the grand movement of that chorus.

He died happily, hearing the song were sung continue.

The world is beautiful, because of warm sunshine and also because of

its rain and storm. Only a man who has been drenched with tears can

understand the real meaning of happy. Once a famous writer said in one

of his novel: there is no real happy in life, but just one situation

compared with another. The whole meaning of life lies in two words

"hope and wait".

To be or not to be, it's all depends on a man's own attitude to life,

on whether he appreciates the morning sunshine, whether he want to

explore the beauty of nature. If the thunderstorms come, it all

depends on whether he still firmly believes that the sun will rise

again. Yes, the sun is going to shine, and it will shine even more

brilliant. Do not cry, just wait and hope and fight.

Life and death and the sunshine make the world. As they go round

generation by generation, day by day, the world go round. Let's sing

out our own song lauding life, lauding world.