又一个迷失的中国女孩,选择成为陨落在美国的雨滴

作者:change?  于 2017-2-18 11:32 发表于 最热闹的华人社交网络--贝壳村

通用分类:移民生活|已有9评论

关键词:中国女孩, 芭芭拉, 美国



迷失还是幸存,这是一个问题,迷失不好受,幸存不值得,心生厌倦或恐惧,所以不如归去? 这也让人想起北岛多年前的一篇回忆文章,记述一位有才也成功但很快迷失的朋友《彭刚》(链接)

2月13日通過自動發布的微博,劉韋瑋明確表達有意了結生命。(取自劉韋瑋微博)

Liu was found dead in her dorm in Santa Cruz Residence Hall at approximately 4 p.m. Sunday, police said. UCPD Sgt. Dan Wilson said Sunday that her death appeared to be a suicide.

就讀聖塔芭芭拉加大的20歲中國女留學生劉韋瑋(Weiwei Liu,前譯劉薇薇,英文名Linka)12日下午4時,被發現在寢室身亡,就在聖縣警局、學校警方聯合調查女生死因的當下,劉韋瑋的微博帳號在13日利用自動發布功能,傳出最後一則訊息,疑為劉韋瑋臨終遺言。根據劉韋瑋生前好友回憶,她的情感細膩又脆弱,外表陽光熱情的她,其實一直不快樂。

中國駐洛杉磯總領館16日稱,劉韋瑋家人已抵達聖塔芭芭拉處理後事。

名為「瑋Linka」的微博賬號,最後一條貼文定格在2月13日,在內容中她寫道「當大家看到這段文字的時候,我應該已經離開了人世。當然我希望那時候我已經離開人世了,而非躺在病床上的植物人一般,昏迷卻生活著」。「世界是美好的,而我是個不堪重負的膽小鬼,所以選擇了退縮和躲避。我的離去完全是我自己的選擇,不因為任何人任何事。我已經說過,生存還是死亡,理由有且只應有一個,就是自己本身值不值得生存,有沒有資格生存」。「我無法承受生命給予我的重量。生命,如果我懂什麼是生命就好了。我愛的所有人,一切安好,人生苦短,及時行樂,好好生活」。

這段最後的表達,也伴隨著一張疑似於2月10日寫好的手寫文稿照片,字裡行間也透露著惆悵憂鬱。「不要恨我,不要埋怨我,我只是一顆怯懦的雨滴。對不起,生而為人,真的很抱歉,我無法選擇從不開始,所以我選擇結束」。

縱覽劉韋瑋從2013年開通的微博,抑鬱、自殺、哭泣、孤獨字眼常被提及,與其在社交網路臉書上的陽光、熱情有著明顯落差,讀來就能感受到這位花樣少女內心中,浮出的落寞與悲傷。2016年12月3日的一個微博貼文中,她就曾寫下「抑鬱的日子就像是月球的陰暗面,自己沒有光亮,也無法被別人照耀」。同月24日她也曾記錄:「我不知道該怎麼和生活中無法失去的人說再見,所以我沒有說再見就離開了」。

16日劉韋瑋的一位生前密友,透露了她印象中的劉韋瑋陽光笑容的背後,其實一直都不快樂。該好友表示,在佛山一中時,劉韋瑋是文科生,平時的她情感很細膩敏感,且有時感覺有些脆弱。對待別人也很熱情,口才很好、英語很好、自我要求很高也讀過很多書。雖然和她聊天從來不會冷場,但能感覺到她不是很願意袒露內心,平常好像跟大家都玩得很好,但實際上說心裡話的時候不多。每一次談話中,都能感到她有一些悲傷,但又說不好是什麼原因。

該好友表示,韋瑋的家庭條件相對殷實,家中還有一個妹妹,從她口中聽說家人對她的要求比較苛刻,這也曾經困擾過她,但自從她去了美國,就沒聽她再提起和家人有什麼相處不融洽。

最近不少媒體報導中,提到在劉韋瑋微博中提到的一名相識九年的男生,也有媒體揣測20歲的劉韋瑋輕生是感情因素。這位密友表示,其實這名男生是韋瑋的初中同學、兩人算是青梅竹馬,在初中一年級便是同學。後來男生初中就去德國留學,兩人一直保持朋友關係,但在感情細膩的劉韋瑋心中,可能一直對男生有些情愫,聽說最近兩年男生好像才有所發現。有印象最初她選擇的專業是心理學和經濟學,但後來放棄經濟學,改成德語專業。

該好友表示,不過韋瑋也有男友,且聽她透露曾經男友對她都很好。她其實很喜歡美國生活,也很適應那裡的環境。她曾經說過如果畢業,希望能夠留在美國工作和生活。年僅20歲的劉韋瑋如此香消玉殞,讓太平洋兩岸華人社區唏噓不已。

疑似劉韋瑋手寫遺書,也在2月13日公布在微博上。(取自劉韋瑋微博)


Memorial Honors UCSB Student Weiwei ‘Linka’ Liu
February 16, 2017 at 1:40 am by 

A UC Santa Barbara student who died Sunday in Santa Cruz Residence Hall was honored with a memorial service Wednesday hosted by the Chinese Students and Scholars Association.

Liu was a second-year international student from Guangdong, China. A fan of United States culture, she was drawn in by UCSB’s beauty. Photo Via Facebook

Weiwei “Linka” Liu, 20, was a second-year linguistics major attending UCSB as an international student from Guangdong, China. According to her parents, Liu had always loved U.S. culture and chose to come to UCSB for its beautiful campus.

Over 100 people attended the memorial, including Liu’s friends, classmates, hallmates, professors and parents.

Liu’s parents requested that organizers play a song that Liu had recorded with her sister: a cover of Lana Del Rey’s “Summertime Sadness.”

“She had a beautiful singing voice. We played this song often,” Gui Ping Chen, Liu’s mother, told the Nexus earlier on Wednesday.

Hours before the memorial, Liu’s parents visited her dorm room to pay their respects. On her bed were fruits, cooked meals and pots of burnt paper meant to honor her spirit. Liu’s mother lit six candles at the foot of her bed.

“She has a younger sister and two younger brothers. She was a great role model for them,” Chen said in Chinese. “Before she passed away, she video-chatted her grandpa, grandma and sent us a WeChat message wishing us a happy Yuan Xiao Festival.”

Liu’s family had visited Santa Barbara just a week before to celebrate Chinese New Year with her. They cooked a meal in the dorm kitchen and went to the bluffs to watch the sunset. Liu picked flowers to give to her roommates and to decorate the hall lounge.

Liu and her family also went to San Diego and saw the Hotel del Coronado.

“She was very happy and carefree there. We soaked up the sun, enjoying San Diego. She found a patch of grass,” Chen said. “We were very happy; I don’t understand why.”

The family later visited Universal Studios because Liu “really loved roller coasters.”

According to her mother, Liu also enjoyed reading books, playing the piano and singing. During her family’s visit for the Chinese New Year, she often went to Ortega dining commons with her sister to play the piano.

Sitting cross-legged at the foot of Liu’s bed, her father, Chao Hui Liu, played her cover of “Summertime Sadness” on his phone. He recalled a Chinese belief that daughters are a reincarnation of the father’s lover in his last life.

“Linka is my most beloved. She said I am her love from a past life. But this Valentine’s Day, I am the saddest person,” Chao Hui Liu said in Chinese.

Candice Lan Li acted as a translator for Liu’s parents as they walked through campus Wednesday. Li and Liu first met over a year ago when they arrived from China in the Los Angeles International Airport and rode the bus to Santa Barbara together. They were close friends ever since.

Over 100 people were in attendance Wednesday, including Liu’s friends, classmates, hallmates, professors and parents. William Emmons / Daily Nexus

Li remembers her friend as a talented painter and photographer, and she said Liu worked hard while remaining outgoing and positive.

“I thought she was so perfect,” Li said. “Every time I saw her, she was always happy and talkative.”

Memorial organizers allotted 20 minutes for attendees to share thoughts, memories and feelings.

Among those who spoke was Blue Stirling, a first-year aquatic biology major, who said  he considered Liu “a really good friend.” They took a lot of the same classes.

“I’d always stop by and we’d have brief conversations, but they’d always mean a lot,” he said. “We talked about China and what her home was like. She was so welcoming, always.”

Liu’s friends remember that she had once intended to transfer to the University of Southern California. She ultimately decided to stay at UCSB, believing it was the best choice.

Rebecca Wu, a second-year biopsychology major, was a next-door neighbor to Liu in the dorms one year prior. The last time she saw Liu, she said, the two expressed a mutual desire to hang out again sometime.

“I’m hoping that wherever she is now, she’s very happy … we loved her so much,” Wu said. “She was such a bright presence to everyone. It’s nice to see how many people cared about her, too.”

Other friends who did not speak at the memorial shared with the Nexus their favorite memories with Liu.

Magaly Machuca, a third-year mathematics major, met Liu in German class, a language course that they continued to take together all through last year.

“We had the best laughs and moments in German,” Machuca said in an email. “She always had a smile on her face when she walked into class. Her spirit would help build this positive, fun atmosphere in class. We laughed a lot; German had a way of making our conversations funny.”

Seowoo Kim, who attended UCSB last year as a Korean exchange student, remembers how Liu helped her adjust to living in the U.S. According to Kim, Sunday’s news came exactly a year after she and Liu had hung out for the first time.

“Linka was very adorable, and she helped me a lot. I was an exchange student, and she was my first friend at UCSB,” Kim said in Korean. “Linka helped me a lot to adjust me to UCSB. She was a good friend, and she had a lot I could learn from.”

Chao Hui Liu gave the closing remarks at the memorial, speaking in Chinese as he wished the best for those in attendance.

“I hope everyone studies hard, works hard and lives their life to the fullest,” he said.

Cheryl Sun, Joseph Whang and Jenny Luo contributed to this article, acting as translators.

A version of this story appeared on p. 1 of the Thursday, February 16, 2017 print edition of the Daily Nexus.


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刚表态过的朋友 (4 人)

发表评论 评论 (9 个评论)

4 回复 change? 2017-2-18 11:36
http://www.yooread.com/8/209/7791.html
5 回复 徐福男儿 2017-2-18 12:04
這位小朋友應該早一點去看心理醫生。
4 回复 change? 2017-2-18 12:23
徐福男儿: 這位小朋友應該早一點去看心理醫生。
是啊。加了昨天校报追思会的报道,采访他的家人,说一家人刚在加州过的春节,元宵节还微信视频,都很高兴正常,不明白为什么。
5 回复 fanlaifuqu 2017-2-18 21:34
都不愿意做个无情的人,但情深至难以自拔不禁让人唏噓不已!
5 回复 法道济 2017-2-18 23:07
临死前的遗书还写那么工整?死对她可能的确是解脱
4 回复 tea2011 2017-2-19 07:55
太难过了 孤独的心
5 回复 change? 2017-2-19 08:19
fanlaifuqu: 都不愿意做个无情的人,但情深至难以自拔不禁让人唏噓不已!
是,太敏感了
4 回复 change? 2017-2-19 08:21
法道济: 临死前的遗书还写那么工整?死对她可能的确是解脱
是做了计划,没有盼望,只有恐惧。抑郁时间长了,一有压力就崩溃了。
5 回复 change? 2017-2-19 08:22
tea2011: 太难过了 孤独的心
是啊,压力加重抑郁。

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