Happy hours belonging to me always last briefly

(Sorry  Dear readers, this time I post an English version to release my thoughts.)

I always always ask myself why it was so hard to find a real friend whom you felt maybe she belonged to your homogeneous hundreds year ago. That means that today you could just communicate with her only by eyes or gestures but no more speaking. Probably hundreds years ago, you two loved each other, or at least you two lived in the small town with a sweet relationship. But today you found her and admitted her but she just only saw your face but the heart.

Sometimes you saw the kids enjoyed their happy hours with their parents and that pushed you to be bold to invite you favorite girl with a date. What made you hurt in heart was that she told you that she had already got another date with her mommy which was better than with another guy. But what worse was she never picked up your phone. I knew she was now just in somewhere with her favorite guys but me to have fun and she just left me here to write something to recall the stories which probably would not return again. I prefer this to a punishment rather than her ignorance of me. I have to admit that I missed her and perhaps I lost her. 

The missed feeling ushers me to be back to the last winter in Beijing when I got a short vacation there. The real scene was that I stood in the chilly wind waiting for my home bus, 54, which reached to my home and I was sticking behind the curb with my gorgeous spectacle. The shivery time made me get an illusion that was I had always been wandering without an destination so what I could enjoy was only an exact moment of the happy hours which were maybe the reuniting or the love. My happy hour always vanished very soon and it just was last briefly. And I could never grab it tightly and hold it for a long time, let along possesed for the whole life, never. Just like the bus for me, it never offered me a destination for my wandering but for others they always could get off where their family was or where they wanted.

I have been living out of my hometown for many years alone and it seemed that I saw myself going up down with the waves in the middle of the sea but I never saw the offshore land. I know that is my fate, which has been already recorded done by the god and no one can rebuild it. Cause I have a tearing naevus under my left lower eyelid, which predicted that you would have been wandering all the time all over the world, interpreted in a divinatory book published in Taiwan. I never gave up to confront with the fate cause I wanted my family together but eventually I always got the same final score that was I was beaten. Even I had ever thought that I could erase the naevus by the surgery but finally I relinquished my plan cause I thought that probably it had been carved in my life.