灼伤的美丽

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灼伤的美丽

耳边时常听到些噪音，来自边远树林里没有人听得见的噪音。什么噪音，你问了。举个例子吧，好象有人抱怨说从中国大陆来的女性和台湾，香港，日本，韩国的女人相比之下姿色平庸，不吸引人。这样的噪音很能启发人的，你信吗？这样的八卦传言令人放慢脚步，思绪翩飞。

打住，先夸夸咱这耳朵，听觉不错哎。

有些不是中国人也非亚洲裔的朋友对中国兴趣浓厚，特别是大陆那片神奇的土地，似乎那里真的有神龙盘踞，四方游走，尘土树叶，吞烟吐雾。亲耳听到些高谈阔论，书生意气，什么现代生活已经从乡野生活彻底隔离，异化令人不堪忍受，诸如此类。一位诗人在圈内名气甚高，因为他大声地问过李白，“告诉我，我的先知，我的流放地在哪里？”

咱这人天真哪，还恳切建议人家去中国看看，眼见为实么。从未编造过中国如何干净整洁的神话，跟日本，香港或者迪士尼乐园比？那简直是天大的笑话，亿万年的未来吧。我那小学逻辑暴露无遗：对中国感兴趣就去中国看看么。对大自然感兴趣，特别是那天大地大的巨幅美景，尼泊尔和戈壁滩好像应该是首选。自驾小船横跨太平洋啊，这个么还是您自己决定吧，乖乖。

有人真的去了中国，令人欣慰。但是回来了就开始抱怨，到处尘土飞扬，这个么我知道。公共设施很差，嗯，这我倒是差点给忘了。厕所气味很冲，嘿，嘿，嘿，没看到这里正在吃晚饭哪？姑娘们姿色平庸，嗯？

有趣的是我没有听到一句胆怯的话。原以为景色引人入胜的地方竟然尘土飞扬，这当然令人大失所望了。人类真的异化了，生出一帮大孩子，不敢面对现实，在冷酷的现实面前哇哇叫唤。这其实很正常嘛，娃娃，如果你承认自己害怕了，我可以给你一个温暖的拥抱。当然被我抱一下不算什么，但是拥抱毕竟是拥抱吧。

说到哪里了我这是？我承认一些从大陆来的女人面相吓人，从脸上能看到长期经受压抑的痕迹。一个三十岁的人，经历二十年的政治，经济，心理煎熬哪有不变样的。一个动荡不安噩梦连连的人生会毁灭所有的外形，不分男女，不论强弱。一些外形会在重锤击打下发生范型形变，再也无法恢复当初的可爱，这是自然规律呀。适者生存和美丽的存活是不能混为一谈的。知道了吧，很多中国女人永远也不会有来自港台日韩那样柔和的曲线了，那里的一些男性都比中国女性柔媚。中国女人能够如此柔媚么？这个问题值得捉摸。她们想不想？这得问她们了。

有的人随着时间的推移越发美丽，就像那陈年老酒。但是大部分人会衰老，毕竟生活的道路崎岖泥泞。忍受过和挚爱两地分居多年，那几百个日夜的艰辛就会写在脸上，影响表情和举止。再精致的衣服，再昂贵的化妆品也不能掩饰这些的。确实不能。被人瞧见了，人家会不会笑话？我那灵敏的耳朵明确告诉我肯定会笑话的。嘿，我说过我的耳朵很好。

我有偏见，毕竟经历相同。我赞赏这样的美丽，不用化妆的纯美。世人应知，真美不用着意装饰，不用广告吹嘘；真美面世，双眼坦荡，没有掩饰；真美超越闲言碎语的喧嚣，轻而易举。假如这个世界还有良知，就应该面向真美深深鞠躬真诚敬意。

我也能领会这些闲言碎语背后的逻辑。我们毕竟生活在商业社会，美丽有一定的模式，美色是用来消费的。皮肤要面对显微镜，形体靠流水线操作。走过煎熬，经历了悲伤的人们注定要被讥笑，毕竟看上去太不靠谱，太不合辙了。

还有要说吗？你问我。美丽以柔克刚，思想也罢，体力也好。优雅以精致彰显。不要误解，我每天目睹欣赏艳慕世上各式各样的美。看到那些聚光灯下笑容恰到好处的尤物，我真是佩服得五体投地。人体美令我陶醉哪，虽然我目睹了太多的艰辛。如果这些尤物也经历一次我们日子，她们会变成何物？没有，我一次也没有这样自言自语地说过。我从不诅咒任何人，无论年纪或者种族。

聚光灯下，我看见我的兄弟姐妹们面色苍白，举止笨拙。他们充其量不过是被灼伤了的美丽。。。现在我明白了为什么我听到了很多噪音。我都用不着耳朵，我能看见噪音哩。

英文原文写于1995年1月。

译文：2011年10月10日

 

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Recently, I hear strange noises, mumbling that originate in far-away forest where no human ears can detect. What noises, you ask? Well, for example, one complaint seems to suggest that Chinese women from the Mainland are plain-looking thus unattractive, compared to the well-preserved babes from Taiwan and Hong Kong and even Japan and Korea. By taking heed to noises as such I am actually enlightened. Can you believe this? Gossip of such kind, you see, slows down my walk and speeds up my head.

Before I go any further, complements to my ears, would you say? They must be good.

Some of my friends, not from the Mainland and not necessarily children of Chinese or Asian descent, were fascinated about China, the Mainland, of course, where real dragons dig their caves, strutting around with dust all over their alligator-skin and spewing real smoke and fire. I remember those episodes because I heard them making profound statements coated with high intellectualism on the unbearable alienation of the modernity of life in the city from that of the country. One of my poet friends gained himself some fame by exclaiming loudly in a poem to Li Po: "Tell me, my sage, where is my exile?!"

I must be naive, for I reached out with all sincerity to suggest them to go to China and see the real country for themselves. I did not try to create any fairytale about how clean China is. Compared to Japan, or Hong Kong or Disneyland, are you kidding me? No, not in a million of years. I laid my elementary school logic out naked in the rain: if you are fascinated about China, a visit should be in order. If you are fascinated in nature, the grandeur of nature and its immensity, Nepal and the Gobi Desert seem to be two of the better choices. Sailing on a small boat across the Pacific, I don't know. You are on your own on that one, babe.

Some people I know went China, and I was glad. When they came back, however, they started complaining. Too much dust, tell me about it. No public facility, wow, I forgot all about that one. The toilet smells, hey, hey, hey, I am having dinner here, would you mind? The girls are plain-looking, hmm?

The funny thing is that I haven't heard a word saying they were scared. It can be very disappointing, to say the least, to find out the out-of-this-world scenery you have imagined all along turned out to be nothing but gray dust. This wonderful alienation has bred a bunch of babies who are simply scared to face reality, truth, and cold and hard facts. That's OK, babe. If you tell me you are scared, I will give a hug. Hey, my hug may not mean too much but a hug is a hug.

All right, where was I? I confess that some of the faces of Chinese women from the Mainland are stunning. I see obvious depression of the long term variety. If you are thirty years old, twenty years of political, economical and psychological turmoil will definitely do you in. A life full of uncertainty and horror will take its toll on any frame, male or female, strong or weak. Natural law dictates that some of the frames will never recover from this relentless pounding. Survival of the fittest is different from survival of the most beautiful. I mean, some of the Chinese women from the Mainland will never achieve or recover that soft-lined curves possessed by some women or even men from Hong Kong, Taiwan, Japan and Korea. Do they have to? Hey, good question. Do they want to? Go and ask them.

There are people who become more beautiful with time, like good wine as they say. But many lost their natural shape simply because the road they have traveled has been too tumultuous. If you had endured a multi-year separation from the one you love, the misery you have swallowed during those hundreds of days and nights will surface on your face, affect your manner, and influence your demeanor. Clothes, however beautiful, and makeup, however expensive, can't cover it all. They simply can't. When others see this, would they laugh? Well, my sensitive ears tell me that they would and they did. Hey, I told you my ears are good.

I’m biased because I went through the same life. I have great respect to and appreciate the beauty of those women, and men sometimes. They are beautiful without make-up. Let it be known that true beauty does not need make-up or advertisement; true beauty looks at the world in the eye with a smile; true beauty rises above the noise of gossip; if the world has any sense, it will take a deep bow at the feet of the true beauty...

I can also see the logic of the gossip. Here we are, in a society of consumerism, beauty takes on certain shapes and flesh is to be consumed. Skins are under microscopes, shapes are assemble-line formed. Some of the unfortunate ones coming through torturous misery are bound to be laughed at. They don't stand a chance for being so out of the space.

What's more, you asked? Beauty by definition softens strength, be it mental or physical. Elegance displays power by its rich finesse. But don't get me wrong. I for one admire the variety of beauties the world keeps shuffling to my eyes, including those who can laugh with the perfect frame whenever the spotlight is on. Human beauty charms me even though my eyes have seen too much. No, I never even mumbled to myself: what would those beauties become if they had gone through what we did? I don't wish misery to anyone, young or old, Chinese or any others.

Under the same spotlight, I can see some of my brothers and sisters look pale, or even awkward. They are at best beauties scorched...Now, I understand why I am hearing all the noises. I don't have to have ears; I can see noises.

January, 1995

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衣着亮丽，不等于肩头负担轻松

也许表情严肃，也许对相机不满

大背景很重要

清晨上班，步履匆匆

车站等车，秩序安然

穿行马路，模特风范

嘈杂街头，猫步依然

美丽成双，迈步并肩