小木耳和贝壳村的“不聪明女孩”

一个不聪明的女孩     

A “not-so-smart” girl 

小的时候，我就觉得自己是一个不聪明的女孩。我们家四朵金花， 我是老二。最能干的是大姐，最勤奋的是四妹，最聪明的是三妹，我充其量算是个最文静的。妈妈最喜欢四妹，她很乖巧又很勤奋，学习最好，自然很受妈妈的赏 识。三妹最聪明，说话伶牙俐齿，再加上幽默风趣，尽管学习一塌糊涂，却常能逗的爸妈捧腹大笑。大姐常帮妈妈干活，所以妈妈最疼的就是她，连对象都是妈妈亲 自给她挑选的。我很“文静”的意思就是话很少，在家基本上没有什么发言权，加上长期住校，所以在家不得不以“文静”的“面貌”展示给爸妈。我的“文静”还 有一层意思就是“不聪明”，因为从表面上看，我不爱说话，给人的感觉就是反应迟钝，反应迟钝就是“不聪明”的表现。尽管我学习比三妹不知要好多少倍，可爸 妈还是觉得她比我要聪明。

Ever since I was little, I always felt that I was not so smart. There were four girls in our family, and I was the second eldest. The most capable was my oldest sister, while the hardest working was my youngest sister and the smartest was my other younger sister. I could pass off as the quietest out of the four. My mom loved my youngest sister because she was clever, obedient, and hardworking. Naturally, my mother appreciated her the most. My other younger sister was the smartest, had a slick tongue, and was very humorous, so despite the fact that her studies were a mess, she could always make our parents laugh. My oldest sister is the one that helps mom with chores around the house, thus my mom cares about her the most. She even picked her husband for her. When I say I’m “quiet”, I mean that I spoke very little and had almost no speaking rights in the family. Plus, I was often away at boarding school, so I had to put my “quiet” demeanor on display to my parents. Another layer to my “quietness” was the fact that I was “not very bright”. This was because on the surface, I seemed very quiet and did not like to talk, giving the impression that I was slow, and being slow was a display of someone who was “not very smart”. Thus, no matter how much better I was at my studies than my second-youngest sister, mom and dad always thought she was smarter than me.

在学校里，我从来没当过学习文员、数学课代表、物理课代表，那些 属于聪明孩子才能当的干部。我总是当文艺委员，宣传委员什么的。班里或学校里出版报了，搞文艺活动什么的都有我一份。但我一直认为那些不是聪明孩子干的 事。在我眼里，聪明孩子不需要蹦蹦跳跳，只要数理化好就特牛。除了数理化突出，男孩子还要体育棒才更酷。上高二的时候，老师把我和一个男同学分在同桌。我 至今还记得他的名字-----符祥干。我心里特高兴。知道为什么吗？ 他是我们班的班长兼学习委员再兼数学课代表。不用说你也知道，他是很优秀的学生。不仅学习好，他的体育也特别棒，长跑、短跑全校第一，篮球、排球、乒乓球 通通打得好。他虽然个子不高，但弹跳非常高，投球和扣球的姿势也特别标准。在打比赛时他总是得分最多的选手。他的字也写的非常漂亮，在我们班的男生中，恐 怕只有他会书法，基本上属于十项全能型的人。因为他的字也写得很好，所以老师把我跟他排在同座，目的是要我们俩个一起定期为班级和学校出黑板报。

At school, I was never any sort of teacher’s assistant, math class monitor, physics class monitor, or any of those jobs that smart kids signed up to be. I was always on the art and writing committees or the communications committee. Whenever the class or the school published a newsletter for some sort of art or writing event, I would always have an article. However, I always felt that it was not something that smart kids did. In my eyes, smart kids did not need to jump around. They just needed to be good at math and science and they were set. For male students, being good at sports made them even cooler. During the second year of high school, my teacher put me at the same table as a boy named Fu, Xiang Gan. I was very happy, because he was the class president as well as class math monitor. Thus, you can tell he was a very strong student. However, he also excelled in sports, being the best in the school at short and long distance running. He also played basketball, volleyball, and ping pong. Although he wasn’t very tall, he had extremely high vertical leap and had beautiful form on his shots and smashes. Whenever there was a game, he would score the highest. His handwriting was also very beautiful. Out of all the boys in the class, he was perhaps the only one who knew calligraphy. He was basically what you would call a renaissance man. The teacher put us together because we both had great handwriting and she wanted us to put together a class bulletin every once in a while on the chalkboard.

听说当时我们班不少女生都暗恋过他。这事儿是我上大学以后才听说的。当时我却比较木讷，要知道，我是一个不 聪明的女孩。有时也想向他请教怎么学好数理化，可又不好意思跟他说话。因为那时的男生和女生是不说话的。跟他同桌以后，问问题确实方便了许多。开始他利用 下课的时间给我讲解老师刚上完的内容，后来他干脆用递纸条的方式在上课时给我讲解，再后来还利用出黑板报剩下的时间讲。也许是同龄人的缘故，我觉得他比老 师都讲得好、讲得透彻。比如一道题他可以用三四种方法来解。每一道题的几种解题的思路都十分清楚。那段时间，我的数学成绩突飞猛进。不仅数学，其它科目也 学得很有起色。尤其是我的作文，经常受到老师的表扬。高二期末考试结束了，我心里特别感激他，于是送给了他一个很漂亮的日记本，里面还写了一句话：“谢谢 你，班长兼学习委员再兼数学课代表。” 他接过日记本，感激的对我说：“这是第一次别人送给我礼物而且还是这么漂亮的礼物”。当看到里面我写的那句话，他大笑不止。过了一会儿，他疑惑的问：“难 道…我就 只是班长，学习文员和数学课代表呀？”我说：“当然了。”于是两人四目相对，都会心的笑了。过了一会儿，他也从裤兜里掏出了一本“高中数学公式全集”递给 我，并诚恳的说：“拿着吧，高三会有用的。”

I heard a lot of girls in our class all had a secret crush on him. This was something I only heard when I was in college. At that time I was relatively naïve and shy because as you know, I am not an intelligent girl. Sometimes I wanted to ask him how to learn physics and chemistry, but was embarrassed to talk to him. Back then, the boys and girls did not talk during school. Sitting at the same table with him made asking questions much easier. At first he took time after class to explain what my teacher had taught in class, then he simply passed me notes as a way to explain to me the content in class. Later on, he also used the blackboard as a tool for tutoring me. Perhaps it was because we were peers, but I thought he taught me better than the teacher and explained the solutions very thoroughly. For a given question, he could find three or four solutions, all showing very clear thought processes. During that time, my math scores improved greatly. My improvement was not only in mathematics, but also reflected in my grades in other classes. This is especially true of my writing, often praised by teachers. When the Sophomore final exams were over, I was very grateful to him and bought him a very nice diary, which also wrote the words: "Thank you, class president, student council member, and math class monitors." He took over diary this, grateful to me said: "This is the first time someone gave me a gift, and it is also such a nice gift." When he inside I wrote the sentence, he was laughing. After a while, he asked me: "Am I just class president, student council member and math monitor?" I said: "Of course." As the two of us stood face to face, we both gave a knowing smile. Later, he took out from his pants pocket the “Comprehensive Book of High School Math Functions" and gave it to me. He said, "take it, it will be useful in junior year."

我们同桌了一年，直到高三他选了理科我选了文科，我们分班上课了才没在一座。不过他还是经常问我有没有问题。 有问题的时候，我也会经常找他。因为我们还经常在一起出黑板报，而且上数学课时我们还在一个班，由同一个老师给我们讲课。高三下半期开学的时候，他没来上 学，听老师说他转到贵州读书去了。

After we sat at the same table for a year, he chose to major in math and science during Junior year while I chose the humanities. We were not in many of the same classes and thus no longer sat together. However, he still frequently checked in on me to see how I was doing and I would ask him for help whenever I needed any. Because we still published the blackboard bulletin together and had math class together, I still got to see him. After the spring term of Junior year, he left our school. The teacher said he transferred to a school in Gui Zhou Province.

我 突然想起来了，符祥干的家并不在湖南而是在贵州的一个小山村。这件事还是一次我们出版报的时候他告诉我的。记得那是高二的期末考试之前的最后一次出黑板 报，下午我们放学之后，我把事先排好的版面和选好的文章交给他时，突然发现他的眼圈红红的，问他发生了什么不愉快的事。开始他一直不肯说，在我再三追问 下，他告诉我，他的家在贵州的一个小山村，妈妈长期卧病在床，爸爸与妈妈在他4岁的时候就离婚了，从那以后他就跟姐姐一家在长沙生活。他的姐姐大学毕业后，在一家设计院工作，当时她的工 资并不高，还要养活弟弟，真是很不容易。难怪符祥干学习这么勤奋，这么努力，又这么善解人意。那天他告诉我，他妈妈中风了。当时我不知道“中风”是什么意 思，就问他这是什么病。他模棱两可的告诉我，“就是生活不能自理”。他还说，有时候觉得很累很累，早上不到五点就得起床，除了要预习当天的功课，还得给姐 姐一家做早饭，有时还要送姐姐的孩子去幼儿园。晚上五点半放学，回家后得先给姐姐一家做晚饭。吃完饭洗完碗筷，他才能坐下来学习。每天都要十二点以后才能 睡觉。现在妈妈病了，他又不能回去看她，心里特别难过，说着说着眼泪不停的滚落下来。见此情景，我把兜里的手绢递给他，并安慰他：“别难过，等你以后上了 大学，挣了钱，就有能力照顾你妈妈，也能报答你姐姐的养育之恩。”我这么一安慰，他越发哭得厉害了，都哭出声了。他一边哭一边点头，说“谢谢！谢谢！谢谢……”那天真的把我吓坏了，都不知 道怎么安慰他。也忘记了他什么时候才停止哭泣的。

Then I suddenly remembered that Fu’s family was not from Hunan but rather a small village in Gui Zhou. This was something he first told me when we were working on a bulletin. I remember that it was the last one before the Sophomore final exams. When we got out of class that afternoon, I gave him the articles and layout. Then I found that his eyes were red. I asked him what had happened. At first he was reluctant to answer, but after I pressed him, I found out that his family was from Gui Zhou. His mom was constantly sick and his parents divorced when he was four. Then he moved to Changsha with his sister, who worked at a design firm after graduating college. Her salary was not high at the time and it was quite difficult raising a little brother. Now I knew why Fu worked so hard and was so understanding. He told me that day that his mom had suffered a stroke. I did not know what it was at the time, so when I asked him, he cryptically said that it was when one could no longer manage their own day-to-day lives. He also said that sometimes he felt very tired. He had to wake up before five every morning. Not only did he have to prep for classes, but also cook breakfast for his sister. When school was dismissed at 5:30 PM, he had to go home and cook dinner for his sister. Only after cooking and cleaning the dishes could he began to start studying. He slept after midnight almost every night. Now that his mom was sick and he could not go back to see her, he felt very sad. As he spoke, tears began rushing down on his face. Seeing this, I gave him my handkerchief and tried to comfort him, saying “Don’t be sad, after you finish college, you can make money to take care of your mom repay your sister for raising you. After that, he cried even louder. But he began to nod his head and thank me profusely. That day I was very scared and did not know how to comfort him. I forgot when he stopped crying.

那次出完黑板报之后，我心情一直很抑郁。好久都没跟他说话，主要 是不敢问他家里的事，也不知道怎样安慰他。我知道，我不是一个聪明的女孩，不知道怎样对一个生活在苦难中的男孩说一些暖心的话，只有默默的在心里为他祈 祷，希望上帝能给他带来好运气，别再让他经历苦难，别再让他哭泣。尽管当时还不懂“上帝”指的是什么。知道他的身世以后，我变了很多，觉得自己很幸运，爸 妈都在大学里教书，自己在城市里长大，生活相对要优越许多。所以，每当自己感到不如意的时候总是想起他，想起他的多才多艺，想起他的心地善良，还想起他那 悲恸的哭泣…..

After that bulletin, I became very emotionally perturbed for a while. I could not speak to him for a while because I was afraid of asking about his family. I also did not know how to comfort him. I knew that I was not a very smart girl and did not know how to say some heartwarming words to a boy living a tough life. I could only pray for him silently and hope that god would bring him some good luck and save him from further hardship. At the time, I did not even know what exactly God was either. At the same time, after hearing Fu’s story, I changed a lot. I felt that I was very lucky. Both my parents taught in college, I grew up in the city, and life had been much better to me comparatively than to him. Thus, whenever I feel unhappy, I always think of him: his many talents, his kindness, and his sorrowful tears.

在上 大一的时候，我收到了他的一封来信。信的内容已经记不太清了，大概意思是他已经考取了清华大学的物理系并且已有出国的打算。他还希望我能常给他写信。可惜 当时我们相隔太远，学习压力又很大，就没有多给他去信。后来我们也就失去了联系。

When I was in freshman year in college, I received a letter from him. I don’t remember much of the contents, but the gist of it was that he was attending Tsinghua University for Physics and had plans to leave the country to go abroad. He also hoped that I would write frequently to him. Regrettably, we were too far apart at the time and the pressures of school were very high. I did not write him a lot, and we eventually lost contact.

不知怎么的忆起了往事，怀念起过去的纯情。也时常感到，应该以 一颗感恩的心来回报曾经帮助过自己的人。多年过去了，我这个不聪明的女孩还时常在想：他后来出国了吗？生活的怎么样？

I don’t know how I recalled these events of my youth or how I became nostalgic for the innocence of the past. I sometimes feel that one should repay people who once helped them with a thankful heart. Many years have passed and I, this not-so-smart girl, wonder: Was he able to go abroad? How is his life?