- 牡丹和芍药同宗？ [2012/04]
- 从旧金山湾区到大峡谷四日游 [2012/04]
- “只因为在人群中多看了你一眼” [2012/06]
- 走近美洲土狼，coyote ugly [2012/02]
- 【现场报道】旧金山华人抗议日本强占我钓鱼岛（二） [2012/09]
- 后海夜色 -- Night Life in Beijing [2011/09]
- 【太平盛世】步行街 (Shopping Plaza) [2011/09]
- 体验城际高速 [2011/09]
- 安享晚年 [2012/07]
- 英译《我的祖国》 [2011/01]
- 惊涛拍岸 （Spindrifts of Big Sur） [2011/05]
- 【现场报道】旧金山华人抗议日本强占我钓鱼岛（一） [2012/09]
- 【酒足饭饱，信口评说】天津狗不理包子 [2012/05]
- 【北岳恒山】千年悬空寺 [2012/05]
- 内部特供酒 [2012/01]
- 天津俗文化 [2011/09]
- 苹果梨 Asian Pear [2011/10]
- 【太平盛世】父老乡亲 [2011/09]
- 精品二锅头 [2011/10]
- 香椿菜 [2011/10]
- 厦大校园，美尽东南 [2010/11]
- 春的四月，院内花开 [2012/04]
- 苍鹭多高，鹈鹕多大 [2011/07]
- 家乡西凤酒 [2011/11]
- 春天多美好 [2012/05]
- 登峰六部曲 [2012/01]
- 黄了银杏红了枫叶 [2011/12]
独立也是信仰
1
经常当一个人需要放松的时候，头脑就会冒出来个想法。有一天在镇里走路，路过教堂，布告板上写着：膜拜时间，上午10：00。咣当一声，膜拜这个词就地粘上了我，陪我走了一路。天哪，试问天上宫阙，今夕是何年？锻炼身体走了四个小时，而这个疑问也就一直跟随着我。
从来不反对任何形式的个人信仰，只是没法令人信服而已。也许个人形象令人起疑，就像我对膜拜这个词严重过敏一样。从政治狂热的年代走来，有些反应已属本能，不经过头脑。那是一场浩劫呀，却有个好听的名字，文化革命。一场噩梦延续了整整十年哪，有人一辈子两辈子都忘不了那些场景，人们疯狂了，把别人的头颅砸碎了，那都是些实实在在的头颅啊。这些暴力为同一种信仰而爆发，一个个的都在捍卫自己的政治信仰。可笑，可悲而凄惨哪，斗争的各方都忠于同一个毛主席。社会各阶层的人都要表忠心。问题不在忠与不忠，而忠于的程度差异就能造成生命的悲剧。太不可思议，太离奇古怪了。
打破了头颅也打碎了所有的信仰。很明显嘛，任何信仰都不能高于生命。生命珍贵，必须珍惜。人应该追求自己的独立思想，远离愚蠢和狂热。这就是求生的本能。保存珍惜生命的原始能量，不可盲信。
后来，在书本上了解到西方大规模的战争都是宗教狂热分子发动的，就一点也不感到惊讶。战争是反人类的罪行，有些伤疤至今依然能感觉绞痛，有些屈死的鬼魂还在坟墓里痛哭。所以，一个人必须学会坚强，不论谁来拉你加入他们组织，都要保持独立。
2
学生年代，国家摆脱了文化革命的噩梦。一夜之间宣传机器不停地鼓噪科学这个词，听上去仿佛一剂科学的魔方就可以治愈所有的社会沉疴。信仰披着不同的外衣沉渣泛起。试问科学能安抚人的灵魂吗？打砸抢结束了，但是疼痛依还在，愈合需要时间呐。
这个国家等不及了，让一帮十几岁的孩子去学科学。作为捷径，十一二岁的少年被选进了天才班。每天都在绝地反扑；日子被挂上了超速挡；狂热还在延续。无法否认刚刚恢复的高考改变了我的人生，同时上了大学也让我对科学失望。对许多人来说科学仅仅是谋生的手段。而今，如果有人拉起科学那五颜六色的大旗，包自己，吓别人，只能令人感到恶心。人要诚实噢，科学仅仅是一种思维方式，而不是真理本身。一个科学家可以努力发现真理，但决不能以真理的代言人自居。
要说就把话说清楚，不管我们的时代里科学技术如何成功，人的头脑，思维，想法，感觉，感受，欲望，梦想，幻觉不论如何解说永远都不会科学。把人类的头脑换算成一串串数字，符号，然后放入一个怪异的方程式，只有脱离常人思维的书呆子可以分解的方程式，那是犯罪。今天，我们还能说我们是人，我们还有权利说我们不是小数点，不是数字，不是符号，不是科学为所欲为的任何缩写？
科学是人类活动，从而不能喧宾夺主的。大部分科学命题从假设开始。任何假设都是先入为主从而需要大量的资金和资源去证实其真伪。科学对人类生活贡献不小，因为科学始终不渝地在寻找证据，从而有别于于与编撰故事的信仰。真正的科学家是谦逊的，因为真理令人谦逊。
3
八十年代就来到美国，那时大部分中国籍的留学生来自台湾，香港，印度尼西亚和马来西亚，从大陆来的学生寥寥无几。在一起久了，有人就评论说我表现得比较无我。也许人家言之有理，经年的革命和口号已经令我不自觉地失去了自我。那一刻我似乎读懂了诗人王小滨的，“中国，我的钥匙丢了。“那个年代压抑人性，直至最后完全失去自我。到了最后连我们自己都自豪地宣布甘当大机器的螺丝钉。我们不再是人了，所以那个自我也就没有必要了嘛。
独立自主是美德。坚持不结盟表现了一个人的智慧和勇敢。看不起那些把自己内心的惧怕，不安甚至无能交给一个比如上帝那样比较托大的概念，从此不再努力，满足于现状。人还是要有一些自尊的。一个人必须站着生活，成为对社会有贡献的一员。不幸啊，太多的人甘当乘客，还不断地哭喊这个世界给他的不够。置世界于身外了，嘿，您生活在这个世界上，请不要把自己当成邀来之客。同时我也看不惯那些把自己的惧怕和不安传给孩子的父母。外面的世界不可怕，那只是你的狭隘与偏见，放开手让孩子们自己去探索吧。
独立不是自恋。自恋是一种心理疾病。对立需要努力，坚持不懈。一个人必须学习，足够坚强，走下去。独立是个信仰。
2011年10月5日
——————————————————（英文原文）—————————————————————
Independent Is Faith
1.
This happens quite a bit, I think. Often, when one wants relaxation, certain thought pops up unannounced. The other day, I was taking a walk through town. A church’s announcement board said: Worship Hours: 10:00AM. Bang, just like that, the word "Worship" stuck with me for the rest of the way. Wow, what do they do there? It was a thought that refused to depart as I continued to walk for a total of four hours, my form of good exercise.
Through the years, I've had a hard time convincing others that I am not against personal faith of any shape and form. Maybe it has something to do with my persona, for I have a strong allergy towards the word worship. This reaction may have stemmed from the fact I grew up in a political frenzy, a horrid event with a pretty name, cultural revolution. The nightmare lasted ten years. It will take a lifetime or two to forget how folks had gone crazy and smashed each others' skulls open, literally. All of them claimed that their violence erupted from strong faith, defending the integrity of political loyalty. It was almost comic but ultimate tragic that the hostile sides were loyal to one Chairman Mao. It was a forced exhibit, from all corners of the society. The difference of the same faith could result in life and death struggle. That was absurd and unbelievable.
Smashing human skulls apiece also smashes my faith in any belief. The logic is so painfully obvious: no faith should reign supreme to human existence. Life is more precious and should be cherished. I must seek my own independent mind, for stupidity and frenzy should be avoided by all means. It had become a survival instinct. I shall not invest one ounce of energy into any blind belief.
Later, I learned that quite a few wars of epic scale were instigated by religious fanatics. That was no surprise to me at all. World Wars were criminal and anti-humanity. And the scars remain painful till this day. Some ghosts are still crying in their graves. One must remain adamant and cherish one’s independence amidst all kinds of calls for affiliation.
2.
When I was still a youngster in school, the country finally shook off the nightmare of the cultural revolution. Almost overnight the propaganda machine started to spew out the word science at an alarming rate, as if all the social ills could and would be cured by a magic portion of science. Faith of a different kind was rearing its ugly head. Could science comfort human soul? The smashing may have ended but suffering hadn’t. Healing needed time.
The country decided to move on. For one thing, they rushed many of us teens into science. They even rounded a few 11 year olds and 12 year olds into genius camps in the hope of a quick fix. Desperation was our life; life was put on overdrive; and the crazy feeling was prolonged. I admit the newly restored national examination changed my life. But it was in college I become disillusioned with science. Many folks were in science just to make living. Today it repulses me when someone wraps him or herself in the over-sized and multi-colored flag of science. Let's be honest. Science is just a paradigm, not absolute truth. As a scientist you may work to find truth but you don't represent truth.
Let's make this clear once for all. No matter how successful science and technology are in our time, our minds, our ideas, our thoughts, our feelings, emotions, desires, impulses, dreams, fantasies, are not entirely scientific, no matter which way you cut it. It is a crime, really, to reduce human minds into numbers, a series of cute symbols in a complicated equation which only the nerdiest nerds can figure out. Can we say this, or do we still have the right to say, that we are humans, not dots, numbers, symbols or whatever you scientific attitude likes to render us?
Science is human activity, not the other way around. Most scientific research starts with an assumption. An assumption is always subjective and needs a lot of funds and resources to prove it, right or wrong. Science contributes a great deal to life, because it makes a practice to seek evidence as opposed to make up stories. True scientists always feel humbled because truth humbles.
3.
I came to America in the 1980s. Most of the Chinese students here were either from Taiwan, Hong Kong or Indonesia and Malaysia, only a few of us came from the Mainland. After spending some time together, I was accused of being selfless. Maybe they were right. I didn’t notice that I had lost myself in endless revolution and slogan shooting. That was the moment when I suddenly understood when a poet named Yang Xiaobin wrote, "China, I lost my key." The society forced us to first reduce then lose ourselves completely. Eventually we were proud to be screws and bolts of a large machine. We were no longer human thus self wasn’t necessary.
Independence or self-reliance is a virtue. Non-affiliation has its wisdom and courage. I dislike those who pass their fear and insecurity or even inability to something bigger, see God, and become self-content with no effort in life. We are talking about self-respect here. One must lead one's own life and become a contributing member of the society. Unfortunately there are too many bus riders who constantly whine that they didn't get enough from the world outside. What world outside? You are in it; so, don't count yourself as an invited guest.
I also look down on those who pass their fear and insecurity to their children. The world isn’t as frightful as your little minds perceive. Let the child find out by herself, will you?
Independence has nothing to do narcissism which is a psychological disorder. Independence requires work, dedication. One must learn and study to have the strength to endure on. Independence is faith.
October 5, 2011