吾家有女系列:如何成为一个完美的华人孩子?

作者:白露为霜  于 2011-11-18 22:24 发表于 最热闹的华人社交网络--贝壳村

作者分类:童言无忌|通用分类:留学生活|已有65评论

关键词:教育, 华人, 升学

2011年耶鲁法学教授蔡美儿(Amy Chua)在华尔街日报上发表了一篇很有争议的文章“为什么中国妈更行”(Why Chinese Mothers Are Superior),引起了轩然大波。对她的所谓中国式教育方法,主流文化多表示震惊,不解,连中国人也有很多人表示不赞同。在我看来蔡美儿在她的文章以及以后出的书“虎妈的战歌”(Battle Hymn of the Tiger Mother)提到的做法在海外华人中还是有一定代表性的。

本文是大女儿几年以前为一家英文报纸写的一篇评论(当时14岁时)。这篇文章写于虎妈的战歌之前,但许多观察是一至的。

白露为霜注:自我讽刺的文章。笑笑就好,请勿对号入座。


 

如何成为一个完美的华人孩子?


美国华人社区中流传着很多圈内笑话”(Inside jokes),但其中一个与育儿有关,在某种程度上,苦涩而滑稽。要想成一个完美的美籍华裔的孩子话说: 你的SAT须是2400分,申请并被27所大学录取,它们全部在一年一度的美国新闻与世界报道排行榜上名列前茅,并获得足够的奖学金支付学费。有三个爱好:数学,钢琴,更多的数学,爱好古典音乐和讨厌泡电话。最后,以饱满的热情接受父母不幸时尚选择

这个笑话也反映在华人社区远大的志向已经成为家长们的一个标准的期望,当然,它也强化了戴着螺旋形的眼镜,没完没了地学习,没有社交生活的华裔书呆子的刻板印象。但让那些以前折磨他的人(tormentors) 沮丧的是,这书呆子在25岁前就成了互联网亿万富翁。应该说这是一个相当丑化(uglifying) 的刻板印象,亿万富翁的部分除外。但是,俗话说,刻板印象如果不是至少部分真实的话是不会成为刻板印象的。

早在2080年代,在美国的开始大量地进入像哈佛,普林斯顿和斯坦福等精英大学,美国主流社会突然感受到他们在学术上的卓越超群。换句话说,他们注意到:嘿,中国人聪明从脱口秀主持到大众机械杂志,个人都迷上了这个谓的新现象。他们试图发现成功的起源,把它装进瓶中,再加以利用,找到那个使得每个刚下船(fresh off the boat) 的中国新移民的邮箱里塞进厚厚录取通知信的神奇妙药。似乎每个黄姓家庭都有三个儿子在哈佛名列三甲,或者有三个圆圆脸的模范女儿其GPA5.0上下。

钢琴比赛成了疆域广阔的亚洲人的领地,由黑头发,戴着发夹的亚裔音乐小天才们统领。加州MATHCOUNTS (一个数学比赛) 全州总决赛10​​不可避免地被7-8级剃着平头,身穿灯芯绒衣的华裔男孩所垄断,他们飞快的计算着不可能的数学问题自豪的父母回答祝贺时总是用惯常的中国式谦逊:没有,没有,他很懒惰,不喜欢学习,总想看电视,和他的朋友们一起玩。

当然了在中国文化中电视和与好友玩耍是两件完全不能接受的消遣,只有在某些情况下例外,比如在历史频道看有关拿破仑的传纪片,或与同学一起研究学术十项全能”(Academic Decathlon)

再有就是不可避免的竞争。科学测试结果之后总是伴随着审讯班上其他尖子生的分数。焦虑的中国父母总是急切比较着的各科成绩:那个女孩,们问:她考的怎么样?美国的华裔孩子都必需记住班上每个人的SAT ISAT II,和AP课考分,以备查问

已有很多文章写过华人孩子“臭名昭著”的过度成就 (overachiever),又有很多文字用来否认它。你可以无休止地辩论这些看似不可能实现的期望实际上是帮助还是伤害这些中国孩子,可能两者都有。

美国华裔孩子面临着压力,竞争,和刻板印象,这是文化的后果,难以避免。它随着领土而来(It comes with the territory)。但对我来说,我已经学会接受它。谈到教育,没有其他任何族裔的家长能像中国父母那样支持和专注。没有哪种文化能比中国文化更能为圈内笑话和歇斯底里型轶事的发酵提供机会。但当你看到雅虎创始人杨致远,诺贝尔奖获得者朱棣, YouTube创始人陈士骏,以及大批律师,科学家,医生和音乐家,经过这个艰难和痛苦的过程,然后过上快乐和成功的生活,就很难不被说服:也许,仅仅是也许,华裔父母的教养方式有它独到的地方

 

 


How to become a perfect Chinese American kid

There are many inside jokes circulating around the Chinese American community, but one is particularly relevant, and in a way, bitterly funny. “To be a perfect Chinese-American kid,” it goes, “you must score 2400 on the SAT; apply to and be accepted by 27 colleges, all of them in the top parameters of the annual “US News & World Report” rankings; and win enough scholarships to pay for it. Have three hobbies: math, piano, and more math; love classical music and detest talking on the phone; and lastly, accept your parents unfortunate fashion choices with enthusiasm.”

The joke reflects the fact that lofty aspirations have become a standard expectation, and of course, it reinforces the stereotype of the corkscrew glasses wearing, eternally studying, and no social life-ing Chinese American dork, who, to the dismay of his former tormentors, ends up becoming an Internet billionaire by the age of 25. It’s a rather uglifying stereotype, except for the billionaire part. But as the saying goes, a stereotype isn’t a stereotype if it’s not at least partially true.

It was back in the 1980’s, when Chinese Americans first began entering elite institutions like Harvard, Princeton and Stanford in mammoth numbers that the mainstream USA realized the scope of their academic excellence. In other words, they noticed that “Hey, Chinese are really smart”. Everyone from talk-show hosts to “Popular Mechanics Magazine” was fascinated by the supposedly new phenomenon. They tried to pinpoint its origins, bottle it, harness it, find that magical elixir that seemed to take every fresh off the boat Chinese immigrant and stuff his mailbox with big fat acceptance envelopes. It seemed like every family with a last name of Wong had three sons who were top of their class at Harvard, or three model daughters with perfect moon-pie faces and GPA’s in the 5.0 range.

Piano competitions became a wide swath of Asian territory, dominated by little musical prodigies with black hair and cheeky barrettes. California MATHCOUNTS state top-10 finales were inevitably dominated by 7th and 8th grade Chinese boys in bowl cuts and corduroys, scribbling answers to impossible math problems, their proud parents answering congratulations with the usual Chinese humility, “No, no, he’s lazy, doesn’t like to study at all, always wants to watch television, play with his friends.”

Of course, watching T.V. and hanging out with your buddies are two entirely unacceptable pastimes in the Chinese American culture, except under certain circumstances when you’re watching a documentary about Napoleon on the History Channel, or studying for the Academic Decathlon. 

And then there’s the unavoidable competition. The science test results are always succeeded by an interrogation regarding the scores of the top students in the class. Course grades are eagerly compared among anxious Chinese parents. “What about this girl,” they ask, “how did she do?” Chinese American kids are expected to maintain up-to date records on everyone’s SAT I, SAT II, and Advanced Placement grades.

An awful lot of articles have been written about the “infamous” Chinese American overachievers. An awful lot of words have been spent denying it. You can debate endlessly about whether these seemingly impossible expectations actually help or hurt these Chinese kids. It’s probably both.

The pressure and the competition and the stereotypes are unavoidable as a Chinese American kid. It comes with the territory. I, for one, have learned to embrace it. No other parents are as supportive and dedicated when it comes to education as Chinese parents. No other culture gives more chances for inside jokes and hysterical anecdotes. And when you look at people like Jerry Yang, the founder of Yahoo, Steve Chu, the Nobel Prize winner, and Steve Chen, the founder of YouTube, or the legions of lawyers, scientist, doctors, and musicians, who made it alive through the gauntlet process, and who are living extraordinarily happy and successful lives, it’s hard not to be convinced that maybe, just maybe, there’s something right in Chinese American parenting styles.

 



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发表评论 评论 (65 个评论)

4 回复 看得开 2011-11-18 22:53
well said.
5 回复 在美一方 2011-11-18 23:05
  
3 回复 嘻哈:) 2011-11-19 01:05
华人父母,特别是母喜欢攀比这是众所周知的,攀比儿女是其一。前几天一位朋友得意地宣称她儿子在争年级第一,夜里1,2点睡是家常便饭。我说我儿子咋就没那股子劲。她笑:那是因为你儿子尽跟些美国孩子玩,那些美国孩子不care影响了他。儿子喜欢体育,现在主要打棒球和排球,排球队还有一两亚裔,棒球队几乎全白。我倒觉得儿子这样挺好的,成绩虽然不拔尖,爱好广,上学轻松,有足够的时间做自己想做的事。
5 回复 嘻哈:) 2011-11-19 01:06
看得开: well said.
大白天有时间上网?莫说我哈,我在家工作
3 回复 xqw63 2011-11-19 01:20
你女儿有才啊
5 回复 RidgeWalker 2011-11-19 01:21
Chidren's revolution against nerds.
不开玩笑,觉得不是铁桶一块。也有人与孩子为友,和孩子一起成长,不追逐名校,不搞虚夸,把快乐放在第一位。换句话说,不是每个人都是僵硬的,没有幽默感的。孩子房地产,给他们欢笑和优秀品质。
4 回复 海外愤青 2011-11-19 01:49
不是同意西人的观点,孩子可塑性很强,家长引导他们学琴画画,他们就可以把学琴画画当做玩;如果引导他们打球玩游戏,他们就把打球玩游戏当做玩,其实玩电子游戏费的神可不比弹琴少,不信做家长的试一把,一上去就给打死了。看电视追星同样累得半死,弄一个明星的签名可不容易,费的心思也赶上参加一场数学竞赛了。学习成全校第一不容易,体育成全校第一更难,学习还可努力,体育若先天条件不够,练断腿也没门。

孩子花费了同样的精力和时间,一个成了音乐或书画的高手,一个成了体育或电玩高手,得失看各自的价值趋向。西方主流制造舆论,打击品学兼优的亚裔学生,反映他们整个教育思路的不求上进,也挽救不了西方社会在未来的衰落。
3 回复 fuji 2011-11-19 01:54
嘻哈:): 华人父母,特别是母喜欢攀比这是众所周知的,攀比儿女是其一。前几天一位朋友得意地宣称她儿子在争年级第一,夜里1,2点睡是家常便饭。我说我儿子咋就没那股子劲 ...
我也是,按他的意志,喜好,不强求。比较象美国人的教法,让他自已选择。
3 回复 putongren10 2011-11-19 01:56
6 回复 心如水 2011-11-19 02:31
在种族歧视仍然没有消灭的地方,华人如果比白人好一点,你根本就没有机会。要好很多,大大超过,你才有和白人相等的机会。我们华人干体力不如墨西哥人,如果拼脑力拼勤奋也不成的的话,基本就是loser了。为人父母如果看不清这个,会害了孩子。
2 回复 三Y老豆 2011-11-19 03:11
华人在异国他乡要成功,需花比当地人多三倍的精力
4 回复 无为村姑 2011-11-19 04:16
The original and translation are both excellent!

By the way, it depends on how you define "perfect". I don't think getting the first in all subjects is necessarily perfect. It is only one's academic aspective. In the old time (including in Chinese culture (1011-1049)), the pursuit was being a whole person "Wan Ren". Now, people's eyes are staired at the grades most of the time (sadly in this more and more highly competitive world).

It also depends on what type of a child do you have. Children are very different. My daughter even did not go to university, however, she is a fashion designer now, the only one in her company. Please give your children more space to become what THEY wanted to be. This is my opinion.
4 回复 小猪的妈妈 2011-11-19 04:20
心如水: 在种族歧视仍然没有消灭的地方,华人如果比白人好一点,你根本就没有机会。要好很多,大大超过,你才有和白人相等的机会。我们华人干体力不如墨西哥人,如果拼脑 ...
事实胜于雄辩.
1 回复 心如水 2011-11-19 04:47
无为村姑: The original and translation are both excellent!

By the way, it depends on how you define "perfect". I don't think getting the first i ...
行行出状元,没有接受过系统教育而出类拔萃不是一件容易的事。没有养成勤奋的习惯则会永远达不到自己想要的目标。天上掉馅饼的事虽然也许有,但属于极小概率事件。
5 回复 白露为霜 2011-11-19 05:47
看得开: well said.
谢谢
6 回复 白露为霜 2011-11-19 05:47
在美一方:   
  
3 回复 白露为霜 2011-11-19 05:49
嘻哈:): 大白天有时间上网?莫说我哈,我在家工作
没带好头,如何说儿子爱玩?
2 回复 方方头 2011-11-19 05:52
女儿很有观察分析能力
7 回复 tangremax 2011-11-19 06:16
主要是关心他们的成长。
3 回复 hr8888hr 2011-11-19 06:21
中国那句古话"吃得苦中苦,方为人上人", 是很现实和很有哲理的.
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