评海外的“恨赋” 译文，作者南朝梁文学家江淹
海外的“恨赋” 译文太差，存心让原作者南朝梁文学家江淹死不瞑目，恨上加恨， 咬牙切齿，可逝者又能怎么样呢？
海外还附一个说明：
"說明﹕江淹的“恨賦”﹑“別賦”（附後）乃兩篇文學性極強的賦文。本人一向持
不入虎穴焉得虎子之翻譯姿態﹐就是要譯別人不敢譯之高難度作品。果不其然﹐網
上找不到第二人之翻譯。難道華人中竟無對手﹐一呈其水平歟﹖古來譯手皆寂寞。
可知華夏域中﹐盡多沽名釣譽之徒﹐而無真才實學之輩。可不嘆歟。余冀此輩之中﹐
激勵之下﹐或有知恥之人﹐奮起一譯﹐以符余望。“
这段话是他的自我检讨吗？ 如果是，他说自己是沽名钓誉之徒，不知廉耻，没有真才实学，那么 除这几句讲得好外， 译文真是不忍卒读。
我的上一个帖大家也看到我为读者翻译的老外诗人们对这个ID海外的诗词译文的评论， 真是惨不忍睹， 在这里： http://www.yidian.org/view-thread-23761.html
好，现在我们来看看ID为海外的“恨赋”译文，看看Ta是怎样糟蹋这位南朝梁文学家江淹的传世佳作：
（1 ) 首句Ta就理解错了。 首句“試望平原，蔓草縈骨，拱木斂魂。”
意思是指 “秋色连天，平原万里。这里是古战场的残迹。放眼望去，只有那缠绕着尸骨的蔓
草和那阴森的枯木。 它如同一座收敛魂魄的地狱，凄凉，萧索。 ”
由于这个ID海外没能理解原文的意思，Ta译成： Let me watch the battlefield plain: wild weeds entwining bones and trees before tombs gathering ghosts.
翻译太差，文法不通，不是英语句子，可以看出大概意思是：讓我看戰場平原︰ 野草纏繞骨頭和树在坟墓前。
原文没有“让我看”这个表达。原文是萧索，凄凉的情景描述。
如果译者一定要用Entwine 就得要用With
译者不明白“拱木” 的意思，所以没有把拱木译出，只简单地译成Trees
根据字典:
拱木
基本解释：
________________________________________
1.径围大如两臂合围的树。泛指大树。
2.《左传．僖公三十二年》:"尔何知?中寿，尔墓之木拱矣。"后因称墓旁之木为拱木。亦婉指已死
我试译： Under the autumn sky, it is a vast extended plain－－ the remnant of an ancient battlefield. Looking ahead, as far as I can see, all in my eyes are creeping weeds intricately entwining with bones and gloomy dead trees. As if a hell of convergence of souls, it feels so desolate and melancholy. （初稿）
(2) 第二句：“人生到此，天道寧論？于是僕本恨人，心驚不已。”
它的意思是：如果人生已经走到这一步，又怎能知晓天道安在？满目孤愁，心怀万般伤痛，脑海中仿佛又忆起随时间远去的亡灵。
海外的译文：At this stage of life, is it imperative to
talk of Providence? I am thus a born regretter, being stunned to no end.
I think of the ancients regretting of such death. （我看不明白Ta到底想说什么)
我试译： When your life reaches this stage, how can you still believe that there are really laws of nature existing out there? My heart aches for this sorrowful scene as if it calls to mind spirits that have faded away following the wheel of time . （初稿）
（待续）
海外的原译文：
Essay on Regretting
by Jiang Yan of South Dynasties
Let me watch the battlefield plain: wild weeds entwining bones and trees
before tombs gathering ghosts. At this stage of life, is it imperative to
talk of Providence? I am thus a born regretter, being stunned to no end.
I think of the ancients regretting of such death. As for Emperor of Qin holding
sword and lords marching westward. At last he conquered all the states under
heaven and united languages and measures. Mt. Hua became city wall and Purple
Abyss deep pond (moat). Although his ambition fulfilled, his wish by force
never ended. Just after he used turtle and crocodile as beams, he traveled
to the seaside to see the sun down. But once his soul left his body, his
palace hearse was pulled out (to his tomb) in the evening.
When King Zhao was captured, he was sent to Fangling. His heart throbbed
at dusk and his spirit rose at dawn at bidding farewell to his gorgeous
concubines and beautiful women and at losing his pompous golden coach and
jade chaise. As he was about to drink the wine served, his sorrow filled
his chest. He could never overcome his regret for thousand autumns and myriad
years.
As general Li surrendered to the northern tribe, his name was in disgrace
and he himself was wronged. He drew out his sword to strike at a pillar,
lamenting his own solitary shadow and ashamed of his lonely soul. His feelings
went out to his nation, but his heart remained in Goose Gate. He tore off
a piece of cloth to write a letter on it and tied it on the foot of a wild
goose. He vowed to return the favor of Han Dynasty. When morning dew came
all at once, what could be said while shaking hands?
When Concubine Ming left, she raised her head to Heaven and heaved a sigh.
The Purple Terrace was too far and Passes extended without an end. Soughing
winds suddenly arose and the sun hid in the west. Wild geese in Long were
few, flying, and clouds over Dai had little color, showing. She wanted to
look at the emperor, but how could she fulfill her wish? She would end her
life like withering weeds in the strange region.
As to Jingtong having given offense, he was dismissed from office and went
home. He shut himself up, no longer receiving guests. He closed his door,
and decided never to be at court again. He faced his wife and played with
children. He did not stand on ceremony before dukes and courtiers. He held
special views about literature and history. He harbored an ambition, but
nowhere to realize it. His regret had no end.
When Ji Kang was thrown into prison, he put on agitated airs. He drank
scummy wine at sunset and laid out the plain zither in the morning. The
autumn day was bleak and chilly. The floating clouds were dim and dark.
Although he had unusual will like brilliant afterglow, he got into the long
night without the sunrise.
There might be lonely courtiers shedding tears, unfilial sons being downhearted,
demoted officials roaming on the sea or exiled to cold Long area. Such
persons, once hearing sad winds rise, would weep blood soaking the gown.
They also experienced hardship and regret, and ended their lives for nothing
like sinking into smoke. As for horse hoof prints and coach traces overlapping
each other, and yellow dust whirling on the ground, and songs and music sounding
everywhere, all finished like smoke vanishing and fire extinguished, or bones
buried by springs underground.
Be it so! When autumn winds arise surprisingly, spring grass will wither;
but when autumn winds subside, spring grass revives. Gauze and satin will
no longer exist; ponds and houses will disappear; zithers and lutes will
become dust; mounds and graves will be leveled. There has been death since
time of yore. There's never without regret and wailing choked.
所有註解在此從略。
恨賦 （南朝）江淹
試望平原，蔓草縈骨，拱木斂魂。人生到此，天道寧論？于是僕本恨人，心驚不已。
直念古者，伏恨而死。 至如秦帝按劍，諸侯西馳。削平天下，同文共規，華山為城，
紫淵為池。雄圖既溢，武力未畢。方架黿鼉以為梁，巡海右以送日。一旦魂斷，宮
車晚出。 若乃趙王既虜，遷于房陵。薄暮心動，昧旦神興。別艷姬與美女，喪金輿
及玉乘。置酒欲飲，悲來填膺。千秋萬歲，為怨難勝。 至如李君降北，名辱身冤。
拔劍擊柱，吊影慚魂。情往上郡，心留雁門。裂帛系書，誓還漢恩。朝露溘至，握
手何言？ 若夫明妃去時，仰天太息。紫台稍遠，關山無極。搖風忽起，白日西匿。
隴雁少飛，代雲寡色。望君王兮何期？終蕪絕兮异域。 至乃敬通見抵，罷歸田里。
閉關卻掃，塞門不仕。左對孺人，顧弄稚子。脫略公卿，跌宕文史。 賚志沒地，長
怀無已。 及夫中散下獄，神气激揚。濁醪夕引，素琴晨張。秋日蕭縈，浮云無光。
郁青霞之奇意，入修夜之不晹。 或有孤臣危涕，孽子墜心。遷客海上，流戍隴陰，
此人但聞悲風汩起，血下沾衿。亦复含酸茹嘆，銷落湮沉。 若乃騎疊跡，車屯軌，
黃塵匝地，歌吹四起。無不煙斷火絕，閉骨泉里。 已矣哉！春草暮兮秋風驚，秋風
罷兮春草生。綺羅畢兮池館盡，琴瑟滅兮丘壟平。自古皆有死，莫不飲恨而吞聲。
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2016-8-11 19:01